I am very hesitant to post something so personal as this blog is supposed to be about Haiti and the work that God is accomplishing in Carrefour Poy. My purpose is to point to God, and His all sufficient grace, not to talk about me.
A year ago today, I woke up in my own bed for the first time after 10 days in Haiti. As I reflect on the past year on a personal level, it has been one of tiredness and sickness, but more importantly, one of being reminded that God is enough.
Six months ago, as the calender was turned to 2015, I was dealing with pain, exhaustion & other unusual & ongoing symptoms. Through the various doctor visits, tests & procedures I kept hearing a word whispered to my soul:
During those hectic, stressful months, I wanted to shout “Enough!!!“, but the word whispered to me was soft and gentle, reassuring and comforting:
“Enough. I AM enough.”
I heard the word when I was told it was probably cancer and then later when I was told there was only a small chance it was cancer. I heard it through the very busy weeks before the Mission’s Conference when we didn’t know if Claudel’s visa would be approved and then when it was approved, as I scrambled to get my house ready for company and to prepare for the conference. During the conference weekend, I not only heard it, but felt it, like a presence when God showed up big time in every detail of that blessed weekend, big and small. And I heard it when I went into surgery a week after Claudel returned to Haiti. I even heard it during the long, anxiety-ridden month after surgery that it took to get the final biopsy report on whether or not it actually was cancer.
When I sat down this morning to write this post, this is not at all what I had intended on writing about. I’m not even sure why I am continuing to type not knowing if I will post this. We all have trials. We have stress. It is part of the human experience. I look around me at the troubles of this world and get overwhelmed. Whether it is financial difficulties, health difficulties or the heartbreak of a family member walking a rebellious path. Then there are the world-wide problems: poverty, starvation, sex trafficking, ISIS. How can we NOT be overwhelmed?
So what does this have to do with Haiti and this blog?
For one thing, I have felt completely insufficient to run this ministry over the last year. And yet, God has provided. Through people who have prayed for me and encouraged me. Through the many cards & notes I received. Through my friend Ashley who has been doing some of the regular monthly & quarterly tasks. Through quite a few new sponsors who have joined us. And even through other ministries who have provided for some of the needs in Carrefour Poy.
God has shown Himself to be faithful. I have been reminded of His sovereignty and goodness time and again over this past year.
As we approach the new school year in Haiti, plans are being made to comply with the rule requiring schools to offer seventh grade.
I have a tendency to carry this sort of burden as if it is my job to provide everything necessary to accomplish this. But again, I hear my Savior whisper,
“Enough. I am enough.”
By my own effort, I am not enough. I don’t have the time, energy or finances to accomplish much of anything on my own. So I am praying and trusting God for His provision for the school in Carrefour Poy as I have seen Him provide for me over this past year.
His grace IS enough.